Taking it day by day

So we are almost done with the first work week with out having Grandma Deb here with us, and we are taking it a day at a time. Jenna has been back at school (daycare) this week on Mon, Weds, and today. When it is just Peyton and I, I can manage things easily and even sneak in a nap. It's when there are two, that I get a little nervous, especially since Peyton can be fussy.

On Tuesday, my mom came up to help juggle Jenna and Peyton. While she was here, she played with Jenna and helped hold Peyton. This allowed me to get some things done and I even made Stuffed Shells and salad for dinner. When Jenna went down for her nap, I told my mom I had things under control and she could go ahead and head home. Peyton napped while Jenna did, which allowed me to take a break. Then when Jenna got up, we watched some TV and dinner time was not stressful as things had already been prepped and just had to be reheated. I was so amazed at how smoothly everything went, especially since Josh had to work late and it was just me with both kids!

So yesterday (thursday), my mom came back up again to help out with the two kids. Jenna had a very active morning as we played Library. A game I created pre-Peyton where we put books into Jenna's bag, then we would carry them home to read and once read we go get more. After 30 minutes of reading, Jenna and my mom headed outside for a walk and to play at the neighborhood park so I could take a nap. Yeah, that didn't happen. Peyton decided to be wide awake at this time, but I at least was able to take a shower. After lunch and once Jenna was down for her nap, I told my mom I was okay again since Tuesday had been so easy. I also believed that since Peyton had been awake she would probably nap after nursing. This was when my first experience of being tag-teamed by my daughters occured. Peyton started screaming after nursing due to the gas she gets. Once I finally got her settled down, Jenna let me know she wasn't asleep yet and started screaming/crying for me. After I got Jenna settled down, Peyton woke up crying again. So it was another day of me not getting a nap. As dinner time approached, Josh and I realized there was a neighborhood HOA meeting that one of us (by default Josh) needed to attend, so it was just going to be me...what a nightmare! While Jenna was so easy to deal with and calmly watched her new Backyardigans DVD, Peyton decided to "cluster feed" where she wants to nurse at close intervals and even with burping her she got gas. This lead to spells of her screaming. She finally settled down and after a long nurse and before I could get her burped, she decided to throw up all over us. Since I couldn't get her to a point where she was settled enough to lay her down, Jenna was still not in bed by 8:30 when Josh finally got home. Needless to say I was in bed by 9, since I knew I had a long night ahead of me still.

I have officially decided that God has you forget about how hard things are with a newborn in the early stages so that we decide to have more kids. I have to continue to have faith in the fact that this phase will pass. I also need to apologize for not being in vocal contact with friends. I have been horrible with calling folks back. While I still have been online and this might seem odd, that's because I know screaming won't bother the Internet and I can put the Internet on hold for as long as I need to. I have also been trying to stay steady with this blog as it documents our lives and will help me remember how exhausted I felt as the new mom to two kids. Love to you all...

Little bright eyes just soaking up the world.

So that's what has been making all of those strange noises I was hearing...

Our sweet neighborhood friend Ms. Bessie and her two kids got Jenna this great big sister gift, which Jenna has loved! Hello Kitty must be the new big thing, because our next door neighbor got her a Hello Kitty DVD.

Daddy successfully giving Peyton her first bottle on Sunday!

week 1 as a family

We have now made it through week 1, but have had a few hurtles to overcome. The expected exhaustion and lack of sleep were expected. What we weren't sure of was how Jenna would handle things. By Wednesday she finally had her melt down. Josh picked her up from school and was told she was not her normal self. She had started to act out and didn't take a nap. Then during the ride home she cried the whole way. She cried through dinner and at one point looked at me, down at Peyton whom I was holding and then at me with a look of "Who is that and why are you holding her and not me?" Grandma Deb saw this too, so we knew that Jenna might need some mommy time. That night I put Jenna to bed and in the middle of the night as I was nursing Peyton I heard Jenna wimper out, "Mommy, I need you!" So once I was done I went up and laid in bed with Jenna for a little bit and we cuddled. Then the next day Grandma Deb spent more time holding Peyton and I tried to spend more time with Jenna and we tried to keep her on her normal schedule. By the end of the day she seemed more like herself and on Friday her teachers at school said she seemed more like Jenna.

Sunday Josh was able to give Peyton her first bottle with no problems, which was a HUGE thrill as we waited too long with Jenna and it was a struggle. Then on Monday, Deb was able to give her 2 bottles. It is so nice to be able to let others share in that special bonding time.

I need to say a BIG thank you to Deb who has been such a help for us. From helping with dishes and laundry to helping with Jenna and Peyton to being someone to talk with during the day, she has been such a life saver as we have been adjusting to two kids as well as me healing. THANK YOU DEB!!! We love you!

A labor of love

Josh, Jenna and I arrived at the hospital at 7:30 Saturday morning for induction and got checked in. It is amazing all of the paperwork that had to be done. Jenna was a trooper and just sang and danced around in the early stage. When the nurse was ready to do my IV and start the pitocin, Josh took Jenna over to play with her friends Ethan and Carly Yates. They started the hormones and hooked me up to the monitors. Even prior to the hormones my contraction were registering on the radar, but they just weren't strong enough.

The contractions progressed along but I was only dilated about 3 cm. I was told I should get my epidural around 11 since the meds man would be in a procedure and wouldn't be available for awhile after that. So the meds man inserted the epidural catheter and gave me a test dose which caused my blood pressure to drop to like 60 over 33. Instantly, I was given another drug, put on oxygen and forced fluids to get the blood pressure back up, all the while the pitocin was stopped. Eventually I was back to normal and was given the real deal epidural in small doses. I was checked again at 2:30 and I was only 4 cm dilated. I cannot complain since there was a movie channel on and we watched Ironman, Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull, and National Treasure 2.

As the contractions progressed I started feeling the pain again, so I was told I could press a neat button and give myself a small dose more of the epidural drug. After 5 hits and no relief, the meds man said he could "top me off" before pushing. Not wanting the pain to be worse during pushing I had some more, but then my legs went completely numb. At one point my leg fell off the bed and I had to ask Josh if it had fallen. It was funny!

The next movie that came on was Baby Momma and we laughed that all day there had been action movies and now it was a movie about babies. So we were certain that Peyton would make her appearance. The nurse came in to check me again and I was fully dilated. My challenge was I was so numb that I couldn't feel to push, so it was decided I would labor down. Finally around 6:20 pm I started pushing and as we were almost there Peyton started to decel and a bunch of nurses ran in as her heart beat was dropping. I was put on oxygen and rolled to my side. Then I had 4 women telling me to push, push, push, push!

Finally at 6:41, Peyton Elizabeth Cowley was born. She weighed 8 pounds, 4 ounces and was 20 inches long. It was a LONG day of labor but well worth the wait. She even arrived with enough time for my folks to still make it to the Carolina Panthers football game.

Here's our first picture of Josh, Peyton and me. Can you tell we are tired?!

Jenna has been having a hard time adjusting now to Peyton being here as she sees that Mom and dad's attention are not fully hers. We are working through this though and thankfully Grandma Deb has been here to help us with everything from laundry to cooking to helping with Jenna.

The dawn of new life

So it is 4 in the morning and I am sitting in my office tying up loose ends before our new little one arrives and I cannot help reflecting on life, family, love, and faith. I was first struck by the thought that in less than 48 hours I will be holding a new life in my arms and caring for her. That in that moment my life will be changed again. Josh's life will be changed. Jenna's life will be changed. Our family's life together will be changed. These changes bring mixed emotions... excitement, hesitation, fear and joy.


While there has been joy associated with this pregnancy it has been harder than I ever imagined. I never thought I would say that I NEED to have my baby, but I do. Physically and mentally I don't think I would make it to my due date as I have been feeling like a horrible wife, since I have been absent most evenings due to exhaustion, physical uncomfortableness or mental exhaustion. I feel like a horrible mother since my patience level is not what it should be for Jenna, and I physically cannot play with her or do things with/for her the way I want to. I also just do not feel like myself these days as I physically am not comfortable in my own skin, have pain in the bottom of my feet, don't sleep well, and feel like there is a bowling ball sitting between my legs. Even with all of these reasons for wanting her to come now, I feel guilty for feeling this way.


Guilty because my heart aches for a friend who wants dearly to have another baby yet has the faith to know that God has a greater plan for her and her family. Guilty because there are women out there who cannot get pregnant or cannot carry a baby full term. Yet I know in my heart that this is what needs happen. So in less than 3 hours we will head to the hospital to get the ball rolling faster than it has been. I say faster since I have been contracting for over a week and I am 2 cm dialated.

I am fearful because I worry about Jenna and Josh. How will Jenna respond to all of this? I am worried more about her needs today than my own. In juggling how to take care of things today, I am most concerned that she is comfortable and not scared as FEAR is her new emotion too. Last night she became scared of something and all she could say was "Mommy, I need you". I pray that my little girl will be okay and not be mad at her mommy for not being there for her in the upcoming weeks. I worry about Josh as he has just had the most intense week at work of his career and the timing couldn't be worse for adding a baby to the mix. So I worry about how this will affect him and his stress level.

Even with all of the guilt and fear, I am excited.. Excited about meeting our new daughter. Excited about holding her in my arms and helping her grow. Here's to the dawn of new life, a prayer that everything goes well and that baby girl is healthy...

Contractions, contractions...but no action

So I have been having Braxton Hicks contractions for days now yet still no cause for heading to the hospital. We really thought Sunday might lead us to Huntersville Presbyterian Hospital, but they tapered off by evening. As I look back on this pregnancy it has been completely different from what I experienced with Jenna. I can remember being at this stage with Jenna and praying she would hold off from coming. With this baby girl, I am praying that she comes soon, better yet now.

I am excited to hold her, but also very excited to get me back so I can be the woman, wife and mother I want to be. I feel so guilty that I haven't been myself for so long and feel like it is affecting my family. So I need prayers...prayers that this baby girl comes soon, prayers that we all stay healthy and prayers that we all stay strong since we know we are in the home stretch.

Happy 2009!!!

It is so hard to believe that it is already another year! We had a low key night last night, but it was just what the doctor ordered. Josh's childhood friend, Keith, his wife and daughter arrived at our house after their travels to NJ/PA for the holidays. We let the girls play and nibbled on yummy food. The guys rented the UFC fight and then we played the game Battle of the Sexes before watching the ball drop and calling it a night. It wasn't a very intense night, but I think it was what we all needed. Maybe next year I can ring in the new year not pregnant or recovering from surgery!